February 14th, 2012. Valentine’s Day. Or in my case, the day that changed the direction of my life forever.
Let’s set the scene. My daughter, A, had just turned 8 years old two weeks prior. My husband, B, was in the hospital, unconscious, on a ventilator and heart pump. I was faced with an impossible decision as his heart was at 10% function and the doctors could not regulate his breathing and heart, they were not working together. His body was failing. The priest had visited, my parents were there, his father was there, and my daughter was as school. I chose to sign the papers. The ones you hoped you would only see on TV medical dramas. I whispered in B’s ear, “I’ve got this.” And it wasn’t long after that, he passed away.
There is a whole lot more detail I am leaving out, and maybe some day I will explain all the events…the good, the bad, and the ugly, but today is not that day. This is about the day that change my life, and unfortunately my daughter’s life, forever.
Worst day ever….sitting at home, waiting for A to get off the bus. She is excited, she comes running in after her Valentine’s Day celebration at school, she is happily jabbering about how she got a special reward from her teacher (who knew in advance what I was facing) and what a great day she had. She thought we were going to visit Daddy at the hospital…but that was not the case. I had to sit her down, with tears in my eyes, and explain that we could not visit Daddy and that he would not be coming home.
I don’t remember the rest of that day…If I am being honest, and my intent is to do just that, the next few days were a blur….I sometimes describe them like this: Bourbon, Lunesta, tears, and cigarettes.