Once the chaos dies down, the family and friends return to their own lives, you start to settle in to a “new normal.” A normal that includes all the obligations of your pre-death-of-a-spouse life, but without the support and companionship.
This was a very strange phase because I continued to move throughout each day in a virtual haze. I was being held up by the strength I found in obligation. School for A, work for me, and then there were the activities…
My daughter, A, was a very active 8-year old. She had 2-days a week of competitive gymnastics, plus 3-days a week of competitive tae-kwon-do (she was a black belt at this point, only a few months away from 2nd degree). She was in the “gifted” program at school, and an Improv drama program once a week after school. Let’s just say we were VERY busy. There wasn’t a whole lot of time to grieve or even breathe for that matter. Too much to do, and too little time to do it.
I would catch a break once A went to bed….mainly because I didn’t sleep much…at least not with out the help of medication. And there were rules I had put in place about medication (rules that I still adhere to today)….
- Only take medication if you had not slept the night before
- Medication can only be taken prior to 10pm
- Never take medication 2 days in a row.
The sleepless nights helped me to the realization…..What if I HATE the new normal? And I did…..I HATED IT!
Things were going to have to change…life was not going to be this way. And with that, changes came! The new journey began!