The New Normal

Once the chaos dies down, the family and friends return to their own lives, you start to settle in to a “new normal.”  A normal that includes all the obligations of your pre-death-of-a-spouse life, but without the support and companionship.

This was a very strange phase because I continued to move throughout each day in a virtual haze.  I was being held up by the strength I found in obligation.  School for A, work for me, and then there were the activities…

My daughter, A, was a very active 8-year old.  She had 2-days a week of competitive gymnastics, plus 3-days a week of competitive tae-kwon-do (she was a black belt at this point, only a few months away from 2nd degree).  She was in the “gifted” program at school, and an Improv drama program once a week after school.  Let’s just say we were VERY busy.  There wasn’t a whole lot of time to grieve or even breathe for that matter.  Too much to do, and too little time to do it.

I would catch a break once A went to bed….mainly because I didn’t sleep much…at least not with out the help of medication.  And there were rules I had put in place about medication (rules that I still adhere to today)….

  1. Only take medication if you had not slept the night before
  2. Medication can only be taken prior to 10pm
  3. Never take medication 2 days in a row.

The sleepless nights helped me to the realization…..What if I HATE the new normal?  And I did…..I HATED IT!

Things were going to have to change…life was not going to be this way.  And with that, changes came!  The new journey began!

 

Published by jenr8ion widow

I am a mother of a teenager. I am a career woman. I am a remarried widow. I am struggling everyday to hold it all together, raise talented and gifted child, and come out a better person in the long run. This is a chronicle or rant of my journey. Many will judge, many will criticize, but not many can say they walked in my shoes.

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