Who am I? When I think about this question, the first words that come to mind are: mother, wife, career-woman, widow, friend, and now blogger. But those are just words, titles, I cannot say that anyone of those things define me, and they certainly are not the essence of who I am. Just like widow does not define me, GRIEF does not define me either. Am I someone destined to grieve a loss, certainly, and perhaps everyone will experience grief at some point in their lives. But does grief define you? Most certainly not!
I think for a little while, or a long while (depending on the individual), grief and loss are what comes to mind first. For both the griever, and perhaps those around them. But grief can only define you if you let it, or better yet, if you CHOOSE it.
Today would have been my 20th wedding anniversary. A momentous milestone in a marriage. One I see my friends celebrating for themselves. While I was not blessed to be in those shoes, and their destiny is not mine, I am not going to fret or mourn or grieve for what could have been. That would be a waste of time. I have a different path to follow. I have new marriage, a family, a career, and many things to be thankful for each day. I choose not to go down the path of self-pity, because that is what it is, a choice. I do not forget, nor do I ignore, but I also do not wallow in the could’ve, should’ve, would’ve opportunities. I am grateful for my blessings. There is no point in making myself, or letting myself be miserable about life. I need to play the hand I was dealt, appreciatively, and move forward. That is the best way to honor my late husband, and celebrate the anniversary that would have been.