I saw a post today on social media about the COVID-19 pandemic and stay-at-home orders, it went like this:
“**To all of you weathering this isolation with someone else**Do NOT call a widow/widower & tell them how difficult you find this new normal & how tough it is. This is my reality & life 8 years later. So, when your life goes back to “normal” keep in mind this remains as mine forever more.“ ~posted on a widow/widower support page
I just want you to know, I ABSOLUTELY disagree with every part of this sentiment. This comes from our old friends, bitterness, selfishness, and jealousy. I loathe this statement and want no affiliation to it as a widow.
The world is dealing with massive amounts of change, anxiety, and fear right now. The COVID-19 pandemic has thrown everyone, globally, into a change spiral. The “widow world” is no different, however, should know better. From my perspective, widows should be leaders, models for change. Widows have taken change that has been thrown upon them without desire or want and had to move forward in a new way. They have been through drastic life changes before, and should not use this time of mass change as a time to kick society when they are down.
We are all people, and for the most part, people HATE change, especially change that is not wanted, and may be scary. When change happens people complain, they get anxious, they are outside their comfort zones and sometimes do not handle the pressure gracefully. This is not a time to say, “now you know how I feel, or this is how my life is all the time, or to try to have a pissing contest to determine who’s life is the worst.” Honestly, if that is how you want to behave, then shame on you!
If anyone is struggling with the isolation or being cooped up with a significant other, child/children, or unruly dog, don’t hesitate to reach out to me or someone else in your life (widow or not). I can lend and ear and a soft space to vent if that is what you need. We should all be supportive towards each other and not allow the selfish green monster of jealousy rear its ugly head.
If, outside of the current pandemic, you are living and isolated miserable life, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Your spouse died, I get it, believe me, I do. You can’t tell me that I “don’t know” because I DO! But how you choose to move forward, or not move forward is completely up to you. You may not be able to control everything life gives you, but you control how you react to it and how you live your life. Sure, if I had more money I could live differently, if I didn’t have to work or worry about bills and paying for college, all on my own, things would be great, but fact of the matter is that is not the case. That doesn’t mean I have to be miserable, and bitter, and angry about it. Play the hand your are dealt to the best of your ability and be happy. Happy is a choice.
Don’t be jealous of what others have, be thankful for what you have. Stop looking at how everyone else is living and live your own life, live your best life. If you do not know how to do that, just do the next right thing. You know what the next right thing is, take that step forward, then take another, and another. Accept your life and if you want it to be different, make it different. Stop whining and complaining about others and comparing your life to theirs. I will say it again.
Happy is a choice!