The WHY is not your friend.

When someone passes away, whether expected or unexpected, people always ask why? I don’t mean how, it is also natural to ask how a person dies, but instead I mean why? Why did God, or the Universe, take this person away? Widows and widowers, especially, get caught up in the WHY?

  • Why did this happen?
  • Why did they take such a good person?
  • Why, he/she was so young, with so much more to give/live?

And often times, what is wrapped up in the why, is the why me?

  • Why did God, or the Universe do this to me?
  • Why am I left to deal with all of this?
  • Why did they take him/her from me?

People get caught up in the WHY? Focused on the WHY, as if it will help them somehow. As if there is a way to make logic out of all the heart ache.

I am going to propose something that will be very unpopular. The WHY doesn’t matter. It is not for anyone to understand. If you are a believer, it is not for us to figure our God’s plan, or to even try to understand it. If you are not a believer, then maybe there is also no WHY. I say to everyone who will listen. The WHY doesn’t really matter. It will not, and can not, change anything.

  • If you know the WHY, will it bring the person back?
  • If you know the WHY, will it make you miss them any less?
  • If you know the WHY, will it change anything?

The WHY is a distraction. It takes your focus away from the present circumstances and only delays the inevitable or makes you feel helpless and weak. Don’t focus on the WHY, instead focus on how to change the situation you are in.

Easier said than done, I know this just as much as the next guy. Those pesky emotions get in the way… But seriously, if you wallow in the WHY you living in the past. In order to get through the present and build a new life, one you can live with, that unfortunately doesn’t include your loved one, you need to focus on the present. Don’t get trapped in the WHY. The WHY is not your friend.

Published by jenr8ion widow

I am a mother of a teenager. I am a career woman. I am a remarried widow. I am struggling everyday to hold it all together, raise talented and gifted child, and come out a better person in the long run. This is a chronicle or rant of my journey. Many will judge, many will criticize, but not many can say they walked in my shoes.

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