I think I belong to too many widow groups…too many pity parties and woe is me, too many negative thinkers and not enough positivity to balance it all out.
Wow, that was a quick rant, down and dirty, and ignorant at best.
I do not want to be this person, this judgmental bitch that gets annoyed by others, especially those that are obviously suffering and grieving, a place I have resided before, in the not too distant past. I am ashamed of my impatience.
Do you know what that means? It means it is time to take a step back and examine the why? No, not the meaning of life why or even the events life brings why, the why do I feel this way examination why.
Why does it bother me to hear others express their pain, or their impatience, or their anger with others? Why do I feel like they are wallowing in self-pity, when that is only a half-truth, they are engulfed in their grief and overwhelmed by their new life circumstances. I know this, I have lived this. I suppose I want to be able to impart some wisdom, or help them to navigate around the mistakes and needless pain that I experienced…. If only.… It is a part of the journey, I cannot make it better for them, I cannot speed them through it.
I think that maybe my impatience and critical thinking come from a place of helplessness. I, even with my what I have learned, what many of us have learned, cannot make their pain go away. I can only impart my experiences and hope that maybe something I say can be relatable. If you can relate to any part of my story, maybe you can also relate to what I have learned.
I am nothing, if not a quiet voice whispering “I understand” in the dark and hoping that somehow, someway it helps someone somewhere.
Thank you.
JenR8ion Widow 