Loss of a loved one rocks your world. Anyone who has lost a parent, sibling, or close friend can attest to that… Now speak to a widow or widower…Literally everything thing changes…EVERY SINGLE THING!
Death of a spouse is different from other forms of grief and loss that you may or have or you will experience. It literally changes your entire world.
- What you eat changes
- How you eat changes
- When you eat changes
- How you shop changes
- Where you go and when you go changes
- The way you relax changes
- Even what you watch on tv changes
- Your daily routine changes
- Your sleep patterns change
When I say that I had a whole “new normal,” I really mean it. It was easy for me to tolerate the change by focusing on my 8 year old daughter. I say tolerate because I did not like this new normal AT ALL. But at least I found a focus, something stable to hold on to a midst all the change enveloping me. I found myself getting caught up in the routines we had before my husband passed, and trying to keep up the same pace we maintained when we were TWO parents, and I was miserably failing. Juggling work, gymnastics, karate, school, and everything that comes with a busy household. On top of grieving for my husband, I was grieving for my life, and now on top of all that I felt like a failure. Something had to give.
At this point, I think it was about 6 months after he had passed, that I decided enough was enough. I was determined to not fail, to not get taken down by a life I once lived. I had to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to live the way had before.
And guess what? I wasn’t a failure. I was actually given an opportunity. I had an opportunity to take everything that wasn’t working, scrap it, and start in a new direction.
- I simplified my meal planning and found it was a whole lot easier to plan super quick meals for just me and and 8 year old.
- Shopping became easier too, less food to consider
- We started going out to eat a little more, to take some of burden of cooking and cleaning away
- I hired services to help with some light cleaning and lawn care
- I was able to relax with a good book, pick my own tv shows, and catch up with friends
- Sleep was still something of an enigma, but oh well, such is life.
Change doesn’t have to be bad all the time. What caused the change was bad, but it doesn’t have to define our present, who we are, and who we will become. We own who we are and what we want our lives to be.
“This doesn’t have to be so bad. Just because we are hurting and healing doesn’t mean we have to be suffering.”